where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
