He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
