ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
