what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
