Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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