AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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