it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
