This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Can I color on your dick again?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I could fuck to npr.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
