I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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