We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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