its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
