Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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