so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Randomize
