I bet he comes in French.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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