I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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