I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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