I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
