Joe is yelling at the trees again.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Randomize
