She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
