At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
