BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
