My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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