How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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