I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
