she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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