my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
