The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
