my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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