it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
