haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
