do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
