Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
