Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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