ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
