Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
