You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have fence marks all over my body
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
