She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
