It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
