Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
