ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
