I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
