apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
