Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Randomize
