He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she pinky promised me she was 18
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
