I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish you could order shots online.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
