4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
