i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
