"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
