if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
