So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
