found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
