The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
